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When your child returns to school after a long summer break, it can be a significant adjustment for both of you. They’re suddenly spending much more time away from home, and you may feel like you’re losing touch with them. However, you can take numerous proactive steps to stay connected with your child and continue to grow your relationship.
How can I stay connected with my children during the school year?
Set regular times to talk.
This can be an after-school date or questions in the car going to and from school. It can be a weekly ice cream outing or walking together. Sometimes, you have an early riser, and starting your day together with conversation or prayer time can make both of your days more successful. Consistency is the key. They really come to depend on this time together.
Be fully present.
Whatever you do together, carve out the time to be fully present. Looking your kid in the eye helps them know you are paying attention to them and builds trust. Put your phone or tablet down and listen and engage. Ask more questions about what they share and keep their attention.
- Park Guides
- Bakeries
- Walk a Main Street
- Road Trip Games
Think about how you react.
Your first reaction to any crazy thing they tell you will determine if they tell you anything else. It’s OK to be surprised when they tell you crazy things. But curiosity goes a long way to keeping the dialogue going versus a sharp reaction that shuts them down. Continue to engage them in conversation to keep the details coming or to clarify something they said.
Questions to try:
- Oh that sounds scary/frustrating/hurtful. How did that make you feel?
- What do you think they could have done differently?
- Did anyone else see that happen?
- How did you react? What did you say?
- What could change that next time?
Choose an activity to share.
Learning a new skill together is a great way to grow your relationship. You could join an online crafting club or watch a series of YouTube videos. Taking classes together at a local store, community center, or 4H club could pique an interest in something together and build core memories. Starting a read-aloud book series is also a great way to connect and tackle tough topics that might be difficult to bring up on your own.
- 4-H clubs
- Learn new skill
- Explore Cultures
- Study Family history
- Use the outdoors as a classroom
- Radio or Podcasting
- Craft Camp
- Quilting Clubs
- Getting involved in the Fair
- Children’s books
- Odd Museums
- Art Tour
- reTHINK outdoors
- Home-school Adventures
Learn to love things they love.
Whether you care about video games, drawing, shooting the ball or karate chops, now is the time to raise your expertise. Get to know the things they love. Then, find ways to love those things, too. “Enduring” them is something our kids can decipher. Find ways to make it your own experience you can enjoy. Better yet, get them to teach you!
- Dinosaurs
- Pirate Adventures
- ATV Trails
- Beekeeping and Honey-Making
- Soapmaking
- Bicycling
- Circus Arts
- Rock ‘n Roll or Blues Music
- Tigers and Big Cats
- Youth Bowling Leagues
- Native American Heritage
- Craft and Sewing Classes
- Art Love Destinations
- Meet an Author
- Bigfoot and Sasquatch in Arkansas
- Arkansas Military Museums
- Civil War Trails
- Fairytale Locations
- Kitchen Stores
- Arkansas Nature Centers
- Discover Space
- Courthouse Tour
- Explore Genealogy
Get involved at their school or coach their sports team.
Volunteer with the PTO, make copies in the office, or sort books in the library. Sports take up a big part of our school year and as a coach, actively engaging your child and their friends and being on the field offering advice, encouragement, or high fives is an excellent way for them to see you are active and present.
Go to the library together.
Learn how to use the library and search for new books. Enroll in an after-school class. Find books about units or topics they are learning at school. Look for a craft book or cookbook where you could try a new recipe. Or check out books about their interests that you can read together to explore more. Work on phonics or math games or grab a snack at the cafe.
Build a positive relationship with their teacher.
Teachers love knowing they have parents to depend on or who they can engage with the kids in their classroom. This also opens the door for dialogue with the teacher about special skills your child is developing or areas for focus and improvement.
Connect with other parents.
Kids love to set play dates with friends, and getting to know other parents is a great way to find safe friends to meet up with. While kids play, parents can connect and share learning stages, sports strategies, clothing debacles, and social lessons. Having other parents around you who you feel comfortable with will help you feel more confident attending important events for your child.
Practical tips for open engagement with your child:
- Learn your child. Do what’s best for them; it’s not a cookie-cutter process. What works for one may not work for all. The time, technique or topics may be different. Lean into what they show you.
- Personalize the experience. When are they more willing to share? Morning, in the car or at bedtime. While it adds a lot of extra thinking and time, connect when they are at their best. Because when they shut down, you usually do, too!
- They probably don’t want to talk right after school, especially the boys. Ask questions that show interest and give them space to open up later in the evening.
- Snacks will change a lot. Give them protein at a nearby table. Meal prep while they eat at the counter; it is amazing what they will open up and share.
- When they get home from school, grab a muffin tin and fill it with snacks. Let them graze near you with the TV off, and give them a little time to reset when they get home. You will find that this decompress time helps everyone!
- Buy a pack of conversation cards. Even if you are great at asking questions, cards make it feel like a game.
Winning the heart of your kid takes diligence, patience, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Sometimes, it means putting your priorities aside when you make building this relationship a goal. But rarely will you find someone who says they regret intentional time connecting with their kiddos, especially in the early years when they still think you’re fun and your jokes are funny!
Story cover image used with permission from Arkansas Department of Parks, Heritage and Tourism.
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